At some point in history (we’re not quite sure when) people started making a distinction between having sex and “making love.” The implication is that only certain types of intimate and meaningful sex, usually meaning long, luxurious, and gentle sex. Making love surely does not include hot, quick, “gotta-have-you-now” sex — aka, a “quickie.”
Having a quickie can be just as meaningful as spending hours worshiping your partner’s body, she says. But, to make it meaningful, most people have to revamp their idea of what a quickie even means, says Kristen Lilla, an AASECT certified sex therapist in Nebraska. Ditch the idea of a quickie as a means to a fast orgasm or sexual release, and focus instead on being able to connect with your partner. A quickie doesn’t have to end in orgasm.
“An orgasm is more of a cherry on top kind of thing,” Lilla says. In fact, having a quickie doesn’t even necessarily mean having sex, and definitely not just penetrative sex. Lilla encourages people who come to see her broaden their definition of a quickie and think of it as taking five, 10, or 20 minutes to connect with each other. That can mean having a hot five minute make out or having quick oral or hand, or finger sex — essentially, doing anything your grandma might call “heavy petting.” Of course, it can also mean having tantric sex when you have the time.